Poles Apart

I can be a bit bloodyminded some of the time. Alright, most of the time.

But when your local power company come and plonk a wooden pole on your grass verge and tell you there's nothing you can do about it, it's fair to say I am not happy.

All to do with new rules and regulations about raising cables higher and I don't doubt it has to happen whether I like it or not.

But when the same company bang on the door and tell you they would now like to connect a new cable and could I turn my power off, a chap can get a tad cross.

So I told the chap. When someone from your organisation has the courtesy to write to me and tell me what is going on, why it is necessary and sorry for the inconvenience, then I'll happily allow you to step onto my property and complete the job.

I feel better now.

Is farting healthy?

Call it what you will. Fart, crimp, trump, parp, poot, guff or thrapper. It's not a popular action.

But is it healthy?

According to the NHS, "The body needs to get rid of the build-up of excess gas" while the NHS24 website states "the large majority of cases of excessive flatulence are harmless".

Dietandhealth.net offer reassuring words. "Undigested food passes from the small intestine into the large intestine, where harmless and normal bacteria break down the food, producing hydrogen, carbon dioxide, and, in about one-third of all people, methane. Eventually these gases exit through the rectum."

In other words, it is entirely normal.

I only mention this in case Mrs Crimper should happen to be casting an eye over these words. She should be reassured.

Happy Birthday

Congratulations to Alice Nott of Bexhill on Sea. She's 101 today.

This fact, along with details of a couple in Ashford Kent celebrating a big wedding anniversary and other birthdays and anniversaries were featured at the end of Meridian News on ITV this evening.

Have they gone completely stark raving potty?

How can this be considered newsworthy to everyone watching the local news across South East England?

Mind you, most of the programme defies the description "local news".

What goes on in Ramsgate, Hastings, Brighton and all points west is of no interest here in Oxfordshire.

This is a programme that while calling itself local features a pair of presenters sittting in front of an image of Maidstone bridge in Kent. A modest 100+ miles from Crimper Towers.

Is it any wonder I get grumpy?

On yer bike!

As I was cycling on a disused railway line today, I saw quite a few kids messing about.

Doing the sort of thing kids do on bikes...wheelies, no hands on the handlebars. Nothing wrong in that. Except they weren't wearing helmets.

It reminded me that kids may be the worst offenders, but there are plenty of people who don't wear helmets whether they are on pathways or roads.

I can't understand why this hasn't been made law. I really can't. No-one can travel by car without being strapped in. But anyone can ride a bike without any protection at all.

Accidents will happen. For some, the thought of wearing a helmet will come too late.

A Great Year...

1951 was the best possible year to be born because it meant that I left school in 1970.

Out of the school gates and off to the best music festival Britain has ever had.

Bath and West Showground, Shepton Mallet, 27th and 28th June.

Beefheart, Zappa and the Mothers of Invention, Jefferson Airplane, Hot Tuna, Santana, Byrds, Flock, Johnny Winter, Canned Heat, Pink Floyd, John Mayall, Colosseum and more.

It was the most perfect lineup ever. Far, far better, much more memorable than Hendrix at the IOW a few months later.

So often people ask the question "If you could go back in time..."

No contest. I'd be there again like a shot.

Keep Taking The Pills

There are rather a lot of pills dotted around the Crimper household and most of them seem to be taken by yours truly.

A list would take up far too much space but suffice it to say they are for a variety of ailments, real and imagined.

As a result, I am a dab hand on the pillpopping front. Open mouth, swallow. Simple as that.

I've never bothered with a little water to wash them all down, because I've never needed to.

A few days ago though, after a swift swallowing session, I noticed a rather unpleasant and slightly burning sensation in my throat. I didn't connect it to the aforementioned until I realised that there was an exceptionally pungent garlic taste appearing in my mouth.

Yes indeed, one of the little blighters had got stuck. Awful, awful, awful. Moral learned. Take water after taking pills.