Phone Sex

I refer in my headline of course to the differences in phone usage by men and women.

I favour the quick call mostly to make arrangements. Say what you have to say and that's it.

Others like to talk, talk and talk more.

Whilst this is only an opinion, I believe that men tend to prefer the first route and more women the second.

I don't have a problem with this. Each to his or her own.

But one thing I have noticed and I believe it to be a "women thing" is this. Having a long conversation with someone you are about to meet. I cite Mrs. Crimper here.

She is perfectly capable of a 40 minute conversation with a friend she will see the following day. Occasionally she has been known to call someone whilst I am driving to say "we are on our way". And chatting for ages.

I just don't understand it.

I read with interest...

It's a small thing but it brings out the "old grump" in me.

The number of times you look at the letters page in a local newspaper and see the following opening to a letter:

"I read with interest that....

Talk about a statement of the obvious. If they weren't interested, they wouldn't have bothered to write in.

Quite.

On the Buses

People who write things for a living often make the mistake of assuming that if they understand what they are talking about, everyone else who reads it will too.

Not necessarily in my case.

The quote below comes from the back of a packet of Sainsbury's Fruit Muesli.

"If every Sainsbury's customer recycled their cereal box, 750 tonnes of cardboard would be reused every year. That's the equivalent to 101 double decker buses."

Apart from the superficial use of the word "the", try as I might I can't see the connection.

The worry is that the next bus I catch will be made of cardboard.

Advertising is Dying...

The golden age of advertising was when people used to say that the tv ads were better than the programmes.

Over the years though it has all changed. The internet has distributed the advertising pound into many interesting and varied media.

The advent of Sky Plus has meant that we increasingly record programmes rather than watch in real time and then hit the fast forward button to avoid the commercial breaks.

And with many different tv channels to choose from, a drop in viewers watching each commercial break inevitably follows.

All in all, there's less to spend on making tv commercials. And where there are low budgets there are also low standards

Yet every once in a while there's a commercial that bucks the trend. Step forward and congratulations to Magners.

There's life in the creative art yet!

You Couldn't Make It Up #3

I am sure that the Sunday Times is a reputable newspaper and doesn't need to fabricate quotes from celebrities.

So I'll take the following from Jordan (aka Katie price) as absolute gospel.

"My worst holiday was when I went to Disneyland Paris recently with the kids. That was really bad. Everything was in French....You had to queue forever to do anything and it was full of French people."

What in Paris? Really? No further comment necessary.

Poles Apart

I can be a bit bloodyminded some of the time. Alright, most of the time.

But when your local power company come and plonk a wooden pole on your grass verge and tell you there's nothing you can do about it, it's fair to say I am not happy.

All to do with new rules and regulations about raising cables higher and I don't doubt it has to happen whether I like it or not.

But when the same company bang on the door and tell you they would now like to connect a new cable and could I turn my power off, a chap can get a tad cross.

So I told the chap. When someone from your organisation has the courtesy to write to me and tell me what is going on, why it is necessary and sorry for the inconvenience, then I'll happily allow you to step onto my property and complete the job.

I feel better now.

Is farting healthy?

Call it what you will. Fart, crimp, trump, parp, poot, guff or thrapper. It's not a popular action.

But is it healthy?

According to the NHS, "The body needs to get rid of the build-up of excess gas" while the NHS24 website states "the large majority of cases of excessive flatulence are harmless".

Dietandhealth.net offer reassuring words. "Undigested food passes from the small intestine into the large intestine, where harmless and normal bacteria break down the food, producing hydrogen, carbon dioxide, and, in about one-third of all people, methane. Eventually these gases exit through the rectum."

In other words, it is entirely normal.

I only mention this in case Mrs Crimper should happen to be casting an eye over these words. She should be reassured.